Wednesday, July 28, 2010

It's weird

First things -

Mornings are so hard for me - I don't get why.. I mean once the first several hours have passed I am good for the rest of the day - but those first few hours I cry at the drop of a word - how are you is the worst.

Second, that little countdown thing that I have on my desktop makes me so happy. But on the other hand it freaks me out. There is so much I am suppose to get accomplished while hubby is gone and I just don't know how I am suppose to get it all done.

Well thats all for tonight.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Short and quick

Well we made it home from our long road trip from San Diego - I am never doing that again.

I had a meltdown this morning, I didn't feel good and he hadn't called me the night before like he said he would and I didn't sleep because of it. I had even gotten me and the little one a jacuzzi suite so I could relax - but that freaking phone call did me in... so much for my indulgance. I knew I would regret it.

Anyway, he called me this morning, after I texted him and left a voice mail, apparently he got sidetracked last night by someone talking to him.... that was so not cool. I was not happy, but it only last a few seconds, I mean really how can I be mad at him when he's so far away I don't get how come one just couldn't say, hold on I told my wife I would call her... but hey, thats just what I would do.... especially knowing that she was having a hard time coping right now.. but not my hubby he doesn't think that way,

Any who... off to bed I go, for a good nights sleep on my own cushy bed!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

I am Almost Home

Well, last night I didn't sleep at all, Todd was suppose to call me, but I hard little to no reception in Redding. I was sooooo mad... I all but haf an axiety attack, and truth be told, I probably was having one when I was freaking out and pacing the room at 2 am. I am sooo tired tonight.

Anyway, today we spent driving all day - this is taking way longer than I thought - I am NEVER doing this again! Tomorrow we go to Sea Lion caves. I am hoping that after that we will be able to drive all the way home, but I am sure we wont be able to... things haven't gone my way at all this trip home.

I just want to be home. I am hoping once I get back in the routine that maybe I will be able to handle this deployment better. I really am trying, but its not working so far.

more later

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Saturday and stuff

Well, Saturday has come and gone - I spent 10 hours driving to Redding California which is where we are staying tonight.

Todd was able to call me a few times today - once just to say hi when he only had a coupe of minutes!!! I love him for that - I have told him that this departure has been harder on me than May's.... at some point I hope to figure out why, but right now the most random things make me sad... when we were in San Diego it was every time I passed the bridge... how retarded.... now its just songs or things that pop in my head. You would think that was all new to me... sure he hasn't deployed in 16 years but really? I thought I was a strong person - I am Rae hear me roar LOL

Anyway, I am tired the drive wiped me out... but I must say that i LOVE the Chevy Equinox that I rented.. I want one for myself.

Good night for now!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Deployment Time

So here I am starting my very first blog (technically my 2nd, but the first I never did anything with).

My hubby deployed yesterday to Kuwait. I am not handleing it as well as I thought I would. It is much harder then when he left to go to San Diego in May.

I thought if I keep a blog or journal maybe it would help, and since I have crappy handwriting I am going to blog.

So, today was the official first day of him being gone. We got up and went to the San Diego zoo (we came down to see him off and are staying for a few extra days before driving home). So we went to the Zoo... I lasted about tem minutes before I had a meltdown.. I was in pain (from the Fibromyalgia) and I was seriously sad and missing my hubby. We managed to walk aroud for 45 minutes before I counldn't handle anything anymore and we had to leave. We went back to the lodge and I curled up and cry while my awesome daughter watched a movie. I finally got up at about 1pm and told her that we were going back and we were going to enjoy it.
She gave me a little cheer and encouragement.. imagine that, the child taking care of the mom...

On our way there we found out another friend, also a Navy wife down here visiting, was at the zoo so when we got there we met up. It was SO MUCH EASIER getting through my day having someone there. I didn't meltdown at all.

What did I learn from this experience? That for now, I am going to have to be with other people to make it through.. this is going to be hard since it is usually just me and Rachel-An. We do eveything together and by ourselves. That and I am really bad at asking for help or anything for that matter. I put up a good front and people think I am holding it all together when in reality I am not.

Well, this is all for now. I am waiting for hubby to call me now that they have made it to Kuwait!
Good night for now.